Across The Stars (Series Two)
by BioticShadow
Summary: Hi everyone! This is the continuation from my other story, "Across the stars" It follows (Male) Shepard & Kaidan in there last year of high school. This is a teen fan-fiction set in today, I would recommend before reading this Series, you start with the first or you'll be very confused. I hope you enjoy! Please feel free to comment.
1. The One That Got Away

_** Hey everyone, I noticed it's been sometime since i posted a story. So here is the short prequel to the first chapter "Thinking Of You" This is the first of two prequels for the first chapter. This part is told though Shepard's eye's and takes place right after the last chapter**_

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"_The one that got away..._"

How could he do that? I keep asking myself that, but deep inside I know I deserved it.

I took advantage of him, I broke his heart. All I have to show for this relationship is a broken heart, and a bruise on my chin & cheek.

Tonight is dark and cold, I feel the wind blow on my back. As I walk home, I look up the stars for guidance. "Why do I keep looking up" The answer is not going to fall out of the fucking sky, but if something was to fall out and kill me. I think it would solve everything.

After driving, running away from everything. I hate that I have to stop and pick up the pieces.

I just keep hurting everyone, when will this fuck up stop?

Sometimes I feel like I'm, my own worst enemy. I just build everything up, to watch it fall.

With Kaidan, I felt like my best. He made me my best, When I'm without I just feel like am going to fall apart. I've never felt this way. He brings the best out in me but also the worst.

When we first meet, I thought it would last. Near the end, I know that it was me. Around the holidays, I could tell we were about to hit a rough patch. He felt like I didn't need him, as much he needed me. When I look back at it, it was my fault. I closed my self off, I didn't want to get too close. "What happens if I really, really fall for him?" "Will I be left brokenhearted?"

That night, I called him & I really told him how I felt. I love him & that scared me.

Kaidan often told me that I could have anyone, Why did I chose him?

You know it's the other way around, Kaidan could have anyone. He's sweet, caring, loving, forgiving, beautiful and tonight I lost him.

I know there's someone else waiting to take my place. Cortez.

After, I told him I needed time. To just really figure out where I am. Him and Steve started to get really close. I know that Steve like's him, what's not to like about Kaidan. I know that Kaidan will be fine, without me. But will I?

I just look at my front door, I really don't want to go in. As I reach to turn the knob, my mother is right there. Just looking at me, "Hi". I just continue to look down.

She starts to guide me inside. I shrug her hand off me, "Am just going to bed"

"Shepard, what's wrong?"

"Please I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." Am glad she didn't see the bruise on my face.

I head up the stairs, I slip in to my room & I climb in to bed, just to look at a picture of us.

**THE NEXT DAY**

I wake up, I think it might be around 3 in the afternoon. I look around, hoping everything was a dream.

It wasn't.

Today for some reason I though about my parents...

Every time I hurt someone it beings me back, to when I was younger. I was young but young enough to understand what was going on around me. My parents were heavy drug users, I think my mother & father hated me. Like them using was a punishment for having me. They used it to get away from what was happening around them. To get away from me.

I remember when my mother died. I was 15, The sun was out that day. I felt the suns rays on my face, There was freedom that came with that day. My father died two weeks after. Everyone expected me to be, this train wreck of a person. Cause of my past, I loved to prove them wrong but this time. I think I let them win.

I had felt I let my parents down, because I couldn't fix them. For so long I tried to fix everything, I never let anyone help. Because knowing that I couldn't do it myself, would kill me. It did for a while.

I look at how far I've come from that, am proud of myself but there will always be regret. In my heart and in my mind.

I do wish him the best, I hope he finds some who can give him everything I can't. Because I can't & he deserves it all.

**Present day (Two months later)**

I guess Steve got Kaidan, Maybe in another life I'll get him again & won't fuck up...


	2. Make You Feel My Love

_Hi everyone! Am back with second prequel, this chapter is though Steve's eyes. I think the first chapter should be up in a few days, still working on it. Am really love, writing these little kind of one shots. In this series i will be trying a lot of new things, so stick with me. I think because the story could really benefit from some new ideas to keep it fresh!_

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_**"Make You Feel My Love"**_

**Two weeks before the first chapter:**

Steve: Hey Kaidan, how you feeling? Kaidan

Kaidan: Am feeling better, it was really nice to see you yesterday.

Steve: Oh it was my pleasure, do you want to come over today?

Kaidan: That sounds nice, What do you want to do?

Steve: Lets just hang out.

Kaidan: Ok sounds like fun, I'll be over in an hour.

Steve: Nice, see you then.

Me & Kaidan have gotten really close, I've helped him in this time. After me and James decided that we would both take a break, I really wonder if we could ever fix what we had.

Were just two different people, who could never really figure it out. That doesn't mean I still don't care for him, but I really need to move on.

I won't lie, I feel something with Kaidan. Theirs a spark, between us. I don't want to push him, but I want him. I think about him all the time, I don't why am so scared. We've both been here before. I wonder if I will ever know, how it feels to hold him close. I think for this to really work, we both have to really forget a past and just take that jump. If only he would take it with me...

Last night was just everything, I went over his house. We just talked, laughed, just over all had a really good time with him.

I don't think I can put in to words how he makes me feel. He makes me feel whole, real, just brings out the best in me. When I was with James in the beginning he would bring out the best in me, but once things started turning sour. We both changed, we became two different to people. I brought the worst out in him and he brought out the worst in me.

I still love him though. I think that will be my downfall for sometime, but it looks like am not the only one. I know that Kaidan, still loves Shepard. I want to change that.

I head downstairs, I heard someone at the door. I look though the peephole, it's him.

"Hi, Kaidan," theirs an eagerness in my voice. I don't want to come off desperate but god does he smile.

"Hey, Steve" we both exchange looks, then I step aside to let him in.

He just sits down on the couch. Looking around, I think he might be uncomfortable. This is the first time he's been over, I'm glad my parents aren't here. I mean I told them I, would cool it after being with James but then Kaidan walked in to my life.

And how could I say no to that?

I take a seat next to him, it's a bit awkward ..

"Anything you want to do?" I look at him and smile

"Well you invited me here I, thought you would have something planed?"

"Sorry I didn't think I had to plan for us to hang out." I think my tone might be a bit to aggressive.

"Not like that, but you could have pulled some movies or something. You know?"

"I understand. We could go to my room?" I don't know If I should have said this.

He looks at me and he looks a bit puzzled.

"Am sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No it's ok," there's a faint smile on his face.

"Well lets go!" I stand up and hold out my hand.

I pull him, and were off to my room. There's a huge smile on his face now. I wish could make him feel like this all the time.

I open the door and I let him walk in first. "It's really clean, also what are these on your desk."

He walks towards the desk and picks up on of the planes. He looks at puzzled.

"I kind of have an obsession with planes, mostly planes that are used by the air force.

I also want to be in the Air Force one day, Maybe after high school" He sets it down gently,  
"That's cool, where did this interest come from?" He takes a seat on the edge of the bed looking right at me.

His eyes are a warm shade of brown, He keeps blinking with a large smile on his face. There's a softness in his eyes, a want but also a fear. I wonder what he sees in my eyes.

With his voice am brought back to reality. "Steve you ok?" He's waving his hand in my face.

"Am sorry, lost in my thoughts."

"It's ok, I do that often.."

"Kaidan can we talk?" I take a seat next to him, but not to close.

"Yeah, that's fine. What's on your mind?"

"You." I look down while I say it, I really don't want to look at him now. It feels all so new again, am nervous. He does something to me, something I have no control over.

"Steve?"

"Yeah," I look up at him with innocent eyes.

"I don't know what to say, I care about you but not like that. I wish I would, you so nice and so sweet. But I think all we'll every be is friends."

All I can do is sigh, "You still love him, don't you?"

"Yeah, Am sorry." He doesn't break eye contact, that has to be one of the worst things.

"Steve, I still want to be friends." He places his hand on my shoulder and stands up.

"Do you think we can still be friends?" I stand up.

"I think so," He pulls me in for a hug.

"Thank you for everything." he whispers in my ear.

"Your welcome" I whisper right back.

**PRESENT DAY**

I might have just fucked my friendship with Kaidan, but it was worth it.

To see Shepard's face. He deserves the pain, to know the guy he loves moved on. With someone, with someone who can give him everything he wants and more.

It was worth it...


	3. Thinking Of You

Hi everyone! Here is chapter One for across the stars, all the prequels intertwine at when they get to school. So everything should make sense from there.

There really isn't much to say but enjoy! There's going to be a footnote at the bottom of the story, am going to be talking about the future of the story.

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"Thinking Of You"

It's almost been two months since, our huge fight. Not much time has passed but, I feel a lot better.

My pocket starts to vibrate.

Steve: Hey, Kaidan you ready?

Kaidan: Yeah I'll be down soon.

After my breakup with Shepard, Cortez and I just became inseparable. He mean's so much to me, of course I don't feel that way about him. I think the only problem is that he feels that way.

There are times when we hang out, that he get's a little to close. I keep pushing him away, but I like.

When we spend time together, when I look it to his eyes. All I can think about is Shepard. I feel bad, because that might be the only reason I let him get close. I look in to those eyes, and I feel a safety. I thought I would never feel again. It feels like old times.

I head downstairs, "Bye mom!"

we both wave and I grab my keys and I open the door.

I just look at him, smiling there just looking back at me holding the wheel. I walk up the car and jump in.

"So how are you?"

I smile and laugh "Am fine."

"I like seeing you happy." he grabs my hand. I don't want to shy away. I turn to look at him, "Thanks for everything."

"Kaidan, don't worry about it."

"So you ready to go." he takes his hand off, and drives off.

He drives me to school everyday.

I look as we pass all the houses, I see Shepard's house. I think about 'us' all the time. I think the best way to describe how I feel. It's like a bee sting, The sting is gone but the pain still there. I see him everyday, and it looks like were both on the same page. The pain's still there, but we smile and act like nothings wrong.

I wonder about the future, could we ever get back together?

"Where here Kaidan."

I Smile and nod, right before I leave the car. I see Shepard, I think Steve might have seen him too.

He grabs me and pulls me in and kisses. Right in front of him.

I pull back "What the hell!"

"Am sorry, Kaidan. I thought you felt the same?"

"Am sorry, but I don't"

I grab my bag, and run as fast as I can to class.

I slip in to my seat, why did he do that? I think the worst part about this is, that I enjoyed it. It felt good, but am disgusted with myself.

Why would he do that in front of Shepard. Is he trying to make him jealous? I didn't even see what Shepard did.

Am glad school is over, I think today it might just be better for me to walk home.

I walk home, the fall is coming around again. The wind softly blowing in my hair, and I the trees. I forgot how much I miss walking. Just having this time to my self, I just can't be alone for too long. My thoughts consume me.

For some reason, I make a little stop. At this small little park, that me and Shepard used to go to.

I see his bike parked in one of the spaces, I feel like running away. No! If he can go out and fake it so can I.

I start walking farther in the park, closer to the forest. I move some tree branches out of the way.

I see him staring at the sky.

"If you're looking for answers, you're not going to find anything there. I've tried"

He immediately turns around, "Kaidan." there's a smile on his face. "What are you doing here?"

I continue to walk towards him, "Just passing by I guess."

I see he's sitting on his jacket, "Can I sit with you?"

"Yeah," he scoots over. We both just look at the sky, not a word is said.

He breaks the silence "Kaidan, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you hate me?" there's this look of sadness in his eyes.

I turn away. "No" then I look right back at him, theirs a faint smile on both of our lips. We both go back to looking at the sky.

"Do you think we could ever work it out?"

"I like to think, that we could"

I really forgot, how much I loved him. Hell I still love him, but with Cortez sitting in the back of my mind. I don't really know what to do, I like him but not like that.

"Kaidan?"

"Yeah Shepard?"

"Are you going out with Steve?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"It's complicated. Can we just leave it at that."

"Sure"

I hear my phone go off, or at least I thought it was mine.

"Sorry, Kaidan it was mine. I have to go."

"It's ok, I guess I see you at school."

we both get up, I guess I might just head home too. He starts to walk away, but before he turns around. "Kaidan, it was really nice to talk to you again."

I smile, I think I also might be blushing "It was nice wasn't it?"

"It was" He smiles and walks away.

I start to walk home, I have a lot on my mind but its the weekend. I really think am not going to do a thing this weekend. I can't keep running from this, I just have to face it head on.

I make it home to find my room is a constant reminder, of everything going on now in my life.

I sit on my bed looking at my phone and my laptop. I've never felt like this, I shouldn't have two people fighting for a space in my heart. I hate this part because I know who I want. I have to hurt someone to, bring someone else back in to my life.

Is it worth it to bring Shepard back into my life? Or should I let Steve in?

I mean Steve told me two weeks ago that he felt something. Could I ever care for him, like he cares for me? Steve is everything in my life now, But I've never seen it working like that.

While Shepard was everything and, could most likely be everything again.

For some reason all I can do is laugh, last year was just a world wind. Last year I fell in love, feel out of love. Had my heart-broken and, had someone to pick up the pieces. I guess looking over everything, I know what to do now. No matter what I do, someone will be hurt.

The sun's out and yet all I want to do is head to sleep. Just to get away from everything, even for just a few hours would be nice. I wrap myself in my covers, only to be scared by phone.

I pick it up to only see it's a text message from Steve.

Steve: Kaidan we need to talk...

Well that doesn't sound good, I kind of just want to ignore it. I mean, is this something a teenager should be really going though. I'm not some Young Adult crappy romance story, where I have to fight over two guys.

Or am I?

Kaidan: I really don't know if, now is the right time.

Steve: I think it is. I mean everything about this is about you...

Kaidan: Where do you want to meet?

Steve: Park?

Kaidan: Fine.

What the hell have I just done...

I make my way to the park. for some reason this feels like am selling drugs, not telling a guy that I really don't have feelings for him.

Were getting closer in to fall, the wind is blowing across my face. It feels like it might rain.

"Kaidan." I stand up to greet him.

"Hi Steve." I have both my hands around me. We both just stand, I can't look in to his eyes. So my eyes just keep flowing the wind. I thinking keeping eye contact, would kill me.

The silence is really unbearable, It's really making me uneasy. I feel his eyes burning in to me.

"Kaidan," him just saying my name is too hard. I hate hurting people.

"Yeah."

"What are you going to do?" His tone is really cold.

"I don't know..."

"You have to make a choice."

"You don't think I know that!" I turn around and throw my hands up. "I hate that I have to hurt someone."

"I understand that." I turn to face him

"No you don't. You're the who feel for me." I just keep raising my tone.

"Kaidan relax."

"how the fuck am I supposed to relax." I run one of my hands though my hair. "You really don't understand do you."

"No"

"Then let me help you." I can't believe am about to say this.

I try to lower my tone, But all these feeling are rushing up.

"Steve, I don't feel that way. I'm sorry and, I never will. I love you but only as a friend, nothing else.

Am sorry" There are tears running down my face, because I may have just lost my closest friend.

I look in to those blue eyes, only to see them braking like glass. After there that, I saw something I never had seen before.

"Fine! Kaidan, I hope Shepard is everything to you. Because you just lost the only person who was there for you. After the fucker broke you heart."

"Don't talk about him like that." There's an anger burning him that I've never seen.

"Fuck Kaidan, You're a fucking dumbass. For thinking that he'll ever love you again. All he'll do is hurt you again, and you know what you'll do. Go right back to him!"

He stares at me, then just shakes his hand and walks away.

I watch him walk away, I take a seat on the bench to try to figure out if he's right. Will Shepard hurt me again? Am I stupid for falling for this a second time?

I watch the leafs hit the ground and, blow in the wind. I let my face fall in to my palms

"I don't think you a dumbass..." I quickly lift my head. Shepard's there standing by the tree. There's a smile on his face, for the little amount of light out. I can see his eyes shine.

"Really?"

"Yeah." He begins to walk towards me. He stands right in front of me, looking down at me.

"You know, you shouldn't really cry." he wipes the tears from my face.

"Why is that."

"Because I hate seeing you like this."

"But you made my cry, just a little while ago."

"And I was stupid for making you cry." His smile is enough to make me light up.

"Are you really sorry?"

"I am, Your one of the best things to ever happen to me."

"Do you still feel the same way?"

"You know I do." He takes a seat, and pulls me in close.

I lay on his shoulder, I feel so confused now. I have Shepard right here, but I want Steve to be here happy for me.

Somehow I got what I wanted and, yet I still fucked up...

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Hi again, I just wanted to let everyone that it will be some time before i post the next chapter. I think it should be about two weeks, i need to take a bit of a break to work on some other things If you interested you can check out my tumblr (go to my profile and there's a link there.) I'll be posting updates and someone shots that won't make it here! I'll see you guys soon!


	4. Te Amo

Let me just say I'm sorry, It's been 22 days... I've been really stuck on where to take this story. What I'm posting today, It's been done for sometime. i just wanted to post everything at once but, i really don't see that happening. I'm not one of those people who will just stop updating there fan-fic(Cause i hate when people do that).

So till i get some ideas i will leave you with this. I'm sorry. I guess i can tell you the next prequel was to be in Miranda eyes. It still will be, i just need to write it. I think for now i might write other characters perspectives, then come back to the over all story.

Sound good? If you have any ideas or would like to see anything let me know. I hate being stuck. I guess thats about it. sorry to leave you with just this.

Also this chapter is in Steve's eyes.

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"Te Amo"

It's been almost three weeks since the fight with Kaidan, I really regret what I said. Theirs a lot of pain that came out in that conversation. I guess because I don't want him to be hurt, like I was. People are welling to say anything to come back in you're life and, fuck everything up again. With James I was stupid in love. I kept giving him chances over and over, for just to fuck up every time.

I guess deep down I want Kaidan but, what I really want is for him never to be hurt. The pain he faced, it's hard but then again. What is love with out a little pain or a lot of pain.

I see him in school with Shepard. All the time but, I don't think he's letting him in. I think the best way to describe whats going on, he's getting a feel for the water before jumping in. I think this is really one of those times where you truly see his brilliance; but I think it's also that he doesn't want to get hurt again.

I'm glad the weekend has crept its way here. There's this huge house party going on this weekend, well today actually. I heard everyone's going to be there. I don't know if this is necessary true but, maybe I just need a good time. A time to be free and, to escape these feeling. Even for just moment.

I keep looking at the clock, waiting for the right time to head out. You never want to be there to early or to late.

Fuck it. I grab my jacket and head out the door.

One hand on the steering wheel driving through the small community we live in. Feeling the wind, as I drive though. I really have no idea where this place is going to be. All I really know that's it might be in a park. Also that's illegal, you know public property.

I keep repeating this in my head "Were only young once!" This helps when I do stupid shit.

I pull over and quickly check my phone. I had Liara Text me the address. I think I might have a few more miles left.

I get back on the road, I guess am not the only one heading to this little party. Well I don't think little describe this party anymore. There is this long ass line, yeah where not going to get by cops.

I should have probably hitched a ride with someone.

**30 Minutes later.**

I'm in. Took sometime but, I think it's going to be worth it. The moonlight is the only light that's shining tonight. The music is blasting, but were really far from people's homes. To be honest more in the forest then, in the park.

I really don't know what to do first. I mean, I suck at these things. I think the best thing is to go find friends.

"Steve!" I hear someone shout my name. Their voice sounds familiar. I turn around. It's James, because I really need this tonight.

"Yes James," I'm trying not to sound like a cold bitch.

"We need to talk" I just turn around he grabs my hand and, pull me back in.

"Do you really think this is the right time?"

"Well seeing as every time I try you ignore me. So yeah this might be the best time." I roll my eyes

"Fine, what's up?"

"Could we possibly go somewhere quieter, some where the base isn't hurting my ears."

"Ok," I let him take me somewhere else.

Every part of this is just wrong. I don't want to do this. Just as soon as I start to feel better he pulls me back in. Well you know what am going to let him have it tonight. For so long, I never said how I felt. You know what fuck it I'm going to say everything on my mind.

Were away from the party, but no to far.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

"Steve am sorry."

"Really James"

"Yeah."

"Its going to take more than a fucking sorry."

I know that the apologies was sincere but, it's going to take more than that. Sorry really, after the time we spent apart. Just a fucking sorry.

I sigh. "James being with you was amazing but, you're to much of a mind fuck. I mean first it's you, then it's your family. Because they don't accept being gay. I can't win. James the only thing you've shown me is that.."

"What Steve?"

"That love isn't fair someone will always end on top and, that seems to be you. With you I will always lose and, that's not fair. You always get the last word in, your always the one to break it off. When somethings not right you're pointing it out, not me and this time I won't let you hurt me. I've given you more than enough and, you've left me broke. I can't be with someone like you, you're to much of a mind fuck and I don't have time for that."

I just said it all. Let it all out. I don't know how he's going to take it, I would love to say that I don't care but I do.

The silence between the both of us is intense. Almost painful.

I sighs and looks at the ground. "I wish I could give you more than a fucking apology, I have nothing else to give you. I've never cared about anyone like I care about you. I know that I keep fucking up and, you deserve better. I wish I could give you everything but, all I really can give is my love and hope that's enough." He starts to pace around.

"But even that isn't enough. Is it? I know were young but, theirs no one else that I would rather be unhappy with. You mean the world to me. I can't keep fucking up, Maybe we can work everything out & it will be fine. Or we could just move on but; I know I can't."

"Steve I love you..."

I look in to his eyes. Maybe love isn't meant to be like those fucking movies and book. Maybe it's a constant up hill battle, that we have to fight all the time. But he's right theirs no one I would rather be unhappy with. I fucking love him, I can't live without.

Love is something where you take the good and bad... Because I would rather have all of you then only part of you.

"I love you too." we both pull each other in. I rest me head on his shoulder.

"Te Amo"


	5. What About Us

Hey everyone. It's been sometime. First let me just say I'm sorry. I've just been stuck, i didn't know where to take the story without writing about the same thing. So For the next few chapters I'm going to do them in other character's perspectives. I think that way, I won't be writing about the same thing always. Another thing, expect different kinds of relationships. I want to really push myself. One last thing i can tell you that I already have planed out the ending! I'm going to try really hard to keep posting but at this moment, I'm writing a lot of different things.

So I'm sorry & Enjoy! (Note: This is Kaidan And Shepard Chapter. I kind of wanted to build on this right now but, the next chapter will be someone else)

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"What About Us"

I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for my phone to go off. It's been two months and me Shepard are kind of doing a date night. Part of me wants to keep him on hold. Then the other part of me is ready. I just don't want to fall again but, I think this time is more. It feels better and, tonight I'm going to take that risk. I'm ready and, this time I'll play it a little safer.

I hear my phone vibrate and I jump. "Always fucking scaring me." I quickly finish my sentence before answering the phone

"Hello?" I know it Shepard but, I always answer the phone with hello.

"Hey Kaidan. So your place or mine?"

"My place."

"Why? My Tv is bigger."

"Yeah but, my sofa is a lot more comfortable."

"Good point, I'll see you in five."

"See you then."

I jump up right from the bed into the bathroom. I fix my hair and check my breath. Then it hits me. Why do I care so much? Does he care this much? Should I play it cool, I mean is this casual? I shouldn't care but, I do.

Then it hits me again. I still love him, no matter how much I down play it. The bond I share with John is really like no other. I look over my phone before heading downstairs.

Tali: Kaidan! You heading out with us tonight?

Kaidan: Sorry Tali, I'm staying in. John's coming over.

Tali: Stay out of trouble, okay?

Kaidan: I'll try, Tell everyone to be safe!

Tali: Will do, See you tomorrow?

Kaidan: Yeah, that sounds good.

I head downstairs, right on time I hear the doorbell. I'm kind of glad my mom is out tonight. Just having all to myself is going to be a relief. I feel I spend so much time in my mind, when were together. Not to mention I keep him at a certain distance.

I walk to the door, press my shirt down and open the door.

"Hi Shepard."

"Hi Kaidan." I think we both take the time to take in each other.

"Do you want to come in?"

"Actually wanted to know if you wanted to go to the party tonight?"

"Really, I'm I guess we could go later but now I just want.."

"What do you want?"

"I just want it to be me and you."

He smiles. "Okay, I can't argue with that."

[Three Hours Later]

I'm fully laying on him. We've been between Tv and movies. Now were kind of just laying in the silence.

"Kaidan can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Kaidan do you still love me?" I quickly sit up. I want to say that I'm taken back but, I'm not.

"Yes." I look him straight in the eyes.

"Really?"

"Shepard, I love you. You mean the world to me,"

"I did think you did anymore. You kept pushing me away, I thought you did feel it anymore."

I smile "No, I still feel it..."

"I just really wanted to know."

"It's fine, we were bound to talk about it any way."

"I guess you're right about that. Kaidan I think I'm going to head home."

"It's like two in the morning. Just stay."

It only hit me till I said it. "Stay" I want him with me at all times, even if I don't say it. I want to go to sleep with and, I want to wake up in his arms. There's something different about this time and, It's Shepard. I think now we really see eye to eye. This feels crazy but, I love it. With him there's just a certain feeling he gives me and I feel it.

"Kaidan?"

"Yeah Shepard?"

"Do you really want me to stay?"

"Yeah, Come on."

I take him up to my room and hand him some sweats and a tee. He changes and hops in to bed and I follow.

I lay on his chest watching the ceiling fan move.

"Kaidan?"

"Yeah."

"What do you want to do with your life."

"I'm thinking about going in to journalism."

"What?"

"Yeah, I like writing. You?"

"I don't yet, I guess. I'm excited about the unknown."

"Did you at least apply to a school?"

"Yeah, Remember we did it together."

"Oh shit your right."

"Do you often think about the future?"

"Always but, now I want to enjoy this moment."

"Sounds good." He pulls me in closer.

I don't know what might happen tomorrow but, at least I can enjoy now. With him...

* * *

Now that you're Done. Lets talk...

What do you want to see? What character's do you want to see? Please let me know. My tumblr is open and feel free to leave comments!

Come on people lets start talking!


	6. Monster (Part One Of Jack's Story)

-Hello everyone. So here's the next chapter of 'across the stars' This is part one for jack's story, I plan to get to part two soon. I really liked this Chapter but I feel it turned out a tad more personal then I wanted it to. I think this is a good opening to really explore that way I plan to write her for the rest of the story. I think it's just dark enough,For now.

So I can at least say the next few chapters will be other characters. So another Jack chapter, one for Miranda. (Or two I don't know now) and everyone else. I don't really know now, It's really when inspiration hits for this story. But at least I'm starting to get back into it. But I will also say, that Kaidan and Shepard will be sprinkled in a few stories. But I've already planed the ending. It's really fucking cute. I'm just trying to write as many different experiences as possible. It's good practice for writing!

So enjoy everyone.

* * *

"Monster Part One"

I sit in Aria's office, Third time in her. I checked out fifteen minutes ago, I've only been here for ten..I'm sitting slouched over, flicking my lighter on and off.

"Jack can you fucking stop"

"Excuse me" I raise my head and flick it close for the last time.

"You heard me, this is your third time being here this month. What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing really.."

"Fine, Then I guess this suspension will mean nothing right?"

"Yup."

I watch her fill out the form. Part of me want's to stop her and the other just really don't give a fuck anymore.

"Jack, This really better be the last one I fill out for you. I don't really to have to expel you." I take the form and grab my bag.

I sit outside and watch the leaf's fall, the fall is coming around again. I really don't know what I'm going to do anymore.

I walk home with music blasting in my ears and my hood up. I hate when I have to go home. Another day in an empty house. I drop my bag near the door and, head to my room. I need some head space now, It's time for a shower.

I stand watching myself in the mirror. I slowly take everything off, just watching the scars show. Not the physical ones, the one's I hide behind. With my clothes, my personality. I just watch myself, ripping myself apart piece by piece. Knowing inside is something broken.

We all have flaws but are mine worse? Society tells me that everything I'm is wrong. From not being a size zero, to being a lesbian. I find every day to be a bigger struggle. I've drowned for so long, I don't even know what it's like to swim.

I stand in the shower and let the water burn my skin. I want to wash all my sins away, to feel free. From the pain that binds me. I think I've faced it all even before, I'm allowed to drink. I stand and watch the fog build on the mirror. Maybe I can hide from myself.

I finish and get dressed. I just lay in bed watching the ceiling. I hate sitting in silence because it screams the truth. I'll be alone, I've never really had good people in my life. Or everyone I've ever let in hurt me in someway. It's hard to watch yourself fall and know that no one will ever save you. To know that, can't even cry. Because I've spent so long doing that it hurts.

I think about everything I carry. The things I've faced, the things I've seen. I lost my innocence very young. But was it really lost, It was taken away. Since I was younger, I learned that life isn't pretty. It's hard, really fucking hard. I don't think I've ever really been happy.

They often say the chase to happiness is one that ends poorly.

Will I chase after it? Will I push myself in a better direction? Will I push everything out of my life, just so I can feel again? Yes, Because I can't bare the thought of me being unhappy anymore.

Something Inside me died today, the want and yet all I can do is want to keep going. I have to find strength in myself. Because at the end of the day, were all we have. Ourselves.

I'll make it, even when everyone else pushes me down. I'll fight because life is a constant fight and I'm worth more.

I look over my phone and check the time. "I have enough time."

I smile and grab my bag.

**[A Week Later]**

"Oh my god, look at her.", "What did she do?", "Looks likes she finally lost it.". Oh how I love what there saying, I make my to Aria's office.

"I'm here." I slip in and sit down before she looks at me.

"Jack! What happen?" I think I startled her, or it was my hair that did.

"I changed my look. I'm trying this new thing. You know, trying to make myself happy and anyone who doesn't like it can piss off."

"Well, I wish you luck. Just try to say out of trouble."

I stand and open the door. "Can't promise anything."

"Jack..."

"Fine."

I walk to my first class and, take my usual place.

"Looks like Jack's finally lost it. Call we call you psychotic now?" The sound of Miranda's voice really pisses me off. I never say anything to her, well not everyday.

"Yeah you can fucking call me that. Not that I care."

"Ex-fucking-cuse me?" She quickly turns around, letting her black hair flow.

"You heard me bitch."  
"Wow, Jack. Never thought you'd say something. Cause I mean you're the kind of bitch to go and run and cry."

"No anymore, Some thing died last week. I think it was all the fuck's I gave."

"Aw congrats. I'm happy for you. Lets hope the local mental clinic has a room for you."

"No but, If you keep talking the local hospital. Will have a room for you." The whole room go's silent and she just turns around.

I think I can grow to like this part of me. It'll take sometime but I think I'll make it.


	7. Gods And Monsters (Part Two Of Jacks Sto

Hey everyone. So after wanting to leave my main stories on hold right now. I wrote the next chapter of across the stars. This is jacks continuation, I've chosen to add another part to her over all storyline. So here is two and the third one will be here? I really can't put a date on it but, there will be a Mshenko one-shot going up tonight or tomorrow just to hold people over. Because most of the next chapters will feature them but, they aren't the focus. So maybe a cute one-shot story talking about a date with the both of them, will hold you over? Please!

Just kidding, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Gods And Monsters"

Do I let them take over, Or do I fight?

Do I take a stand. Or fall back?

Is this my fight?

I watch the time change on my clock. It mocks me, the time. Why must it move forward? Why can't I move forward? Why must I keep letting the pain define me?

_I watch the other children laugh and play. Why can't I play with them? Why can't I be like them? I sit on my bed looking in at the yard. Will I ever be like them?_

No. No you won't.

"_Why do I have to spend my time in here?" I tug on here skirt._

"_Because outside time is only for good kids. While you, are not one." She looks down at me, the look in here eyes scared me._

"_But why?"_

"_Because." She grabs my wrist and tosses me into my room. I quickly run to the door, trying to get out before she locked it. _

_I bang on the door as if my life depends on it. "Please!" "Please!" I fall on the floor with the only thing covering my face is my tears._

That was only my first few months there, I never really felt the sun on my skin till I got out.

"_Jack, Father tells me you've misbehaved." She stands watching me from the other side of the room. I know what's coming. Happy 12__th__ Birthday, I whisper to my self as she drags me to solitary confinement. _

"_You know we only do this for your own good." She throws a Bible at me. "Maybe you could learn something from the good word of the lord." She smiles and locks the door. _

_I think this is the 8__th__ Bible she's given me. I use the first one to count the days I've been in here. I flip back to the end and run my hands over the marks I've carved. It's almost to the bottom of the back cover. I lay in the bed and wonder what would my life be if my mother wouldn't have left me. _

_I remember the day like it was yesterday. Even though it was more like eight years ago. I was told to wait here. Told to wait at this bus stop, as a child I didn't think anything of it. I watched as the car drove away and the smoke-filled my lungs. I waited there for a day, then a police officer took me away._

_Which he brought me here, the local orphanage. Which is run by the church and I got the one Nun who hates me. Sister Mary. Here the children who aren't me are treated okay. While me, I face this. The quite, the hatred of others. I wish I could find a place that's safe. A place where I wouldn't be treated like this._

_Twelve days have passed, I've faced more. I she bangs on the door and the opens it. The sun Is blinding. "You've done your time. Come on." She takes me by wrist and pulls me out in to the garden. Then washes me down with the garden hose. _

_15__th__ Birthday, was marked with freedom for me. I was told to meet with the father, He wanted to see me. It wasn't to have a conversation, He was gearing for something else. So protect myself I to his lighter and set him aflame. He lived but my job wasn't done. I rang the alarm and watched everyone run out. Then I set the place ablaze._

_I got my things which weren't much and ran. Ran as fast I could. _

Now I sit here in my 'Grandmothers house' and, I watch over myself. I think the worst thing I fear is the silence. Because it screams the truth, that I'll be alone.

I hear my alarm ring..

I grab my bag and, head to school. Looks like I spent another night fighting myself. Another night I spent up.

**[After School.]**

I grab my things and start walking home, another fucking fucked up day.

"Jack. Hey, Jack." I really don't want to talk to anyone right now.

I turn around. "What?" It's Kaidan. He takes a step back.

"I just wanted to ask you if you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm pretty fucking fine."

"Oh okay." He turns around and starts to walk way.

This is what I do I push people away because I have a fear of letting someone. Someone who could save me, even for the night. I have a fear of judgment. A fear of anyone caring for me, because all I do is let people. I let my mother down and that's why she left me.

"Kaidan." He turns around.

"Yeah."

"Do you want to hang out or something?"

"Sure." He smiles and walks towards me.

Maybe someone, anyone could help me. Cause I know I really need it.


	8. Fast In My Car (part One)

_Hello everyone, I promised a one-shot. But I would figure give you a full chapter, or at least the first part. Jacks story will continue, her last chapter will go up before part two of this. After that I really don't know who to talk about next. I'm thinking Liara? Does any want to see anything? feel free to let me know, in the comments below! I would love to get your input._

"Kaidan wake up!" I feel myself pushing him away. I turn around and toss a pillow his way. "Kaidan I'm not going to wait for you."

"It three in the morning."

"I know, this is the time we chose to meet."

"I know but, I'm reconsidering now."

"Come on this is the only long weekend we have. Let's take it."

"Wait? How did you get in here."

I finally turn over and find him standing over me. "You didn't answer my question Shepard."

"I'm a teenage boy, I can't into anything. A lock and a second story isn't going to stop me." I sit up and start to laugh, "So is you're bag packed?"

"Yeah, it's in my closet." He walks over and starts to look for it.

"I'm glad you packed light. Now go get dressed."

"Yes, sir."

"By the way Kaidan, nice underwear." He winks at me and, can feel myself blushing right now.

"Okay, lets go. Because if we don't leave soon, I'm climbing back into bed."

"Don't worry we're leaving. Can we leave though your front door?"

"Yeah, I'm mean just be really quiet."

"That's easy, I broke into your room without waking you. So this is easy."

"Very funny but, you're the one who wanted to talk till 2AM."

"Yeah but, you knew that we would meet a three."

"Yes! But I would have loved to get some sleep in."

"You can sleep when we're there."

"No, I think I'll sleep in the car."

"Even better."

"Kaidan, You're leaving now?" I turn around, my mom's in the doorway watching me.

"Yeah. Shepard said at leaving at this time would be best. You know to miss the traffic."

"Okay, that's fine, Call me when you get there." I can tell, Hell anyone could. She's still very much asleep.

"Bye, mom. Go back to bed."

"I will," I turn around and start to walk away. "Kaidan, How did Shepard get in here?"

"He broke in to my room."

"Sounds about right. Bye have a good time, don't forget to call me."

Why is Shepard breaking in, something normal in our family. I mean I sure my father wouldn't be to happy but, he's not here.

"Kaidan, as good as you look in moonlight. We're wasting time!"

"Okay, just locking the door."

He taps the hood of the car and we both get in. We've been planing this little getaway for sometime. But it's finally happening, we waited for a long weekend to this. Plus winter break is coming soon, Which I'll be sending with Shepard's family this year. I really can't wait for that.

Things are just so good right now. It's a shame that we have a really bumpy road coming up soon. I just can't thing about that right now. I can't think to far into the future because, everything is so unsure now. I'm just going to live for now. Because I know that's what Shepard's doing.

Live for now and, try not to think about what's coming up.

"You ready Kaidan?"

"Always but, I have something for you."

"A gift?"

"Yes." I start digging around in my backpack and find the wrapped gift. "Okay so I bought this a few days ago, just for this trip. Open it!" I see his face light up,

"Kaidan, You didn't have to."

"But I wanted to, Put them on." He looks at himself in the mirror, taking in the way he looks with his new sunglasses. "Damn Shepard. Looking good!"

"Okay now we're off and, I'll save these for later." I lean back and just enjoy the time I'm about to have.

**[End Part One]**


	9. Faster (Part Two)

"Faster"

I take his hand and we just stand letting the waves crash on our legs. The sun is shining so brightly on his face. Makes his eyes really shine. He smiles and we start heading into the water, he just runs in and takes my hand. I love the way he makes me feel.

It's like this high that nothing else can give me. This high that I never want to come down from. He makes me feel so safe, no ones ever made me feel like that.

"You know it was a really good idea to come to the beach."

"It was! I mean look at the day, it's perfect." He pulls me closer and lifts me. "You know this day reminds me of you."

"How?"

"Its perfect." He slowly lowers me down and we start to kiss.

Every kiss with him, it makes it feel like our first. Every moment I spend with him, makes my heart beat faster. Just being with him makes me feel alright.

We make our way out of the water and I just watch him dry off.

"Kaidan, did you remember the backpack?"

"Yes..." I walk over to where we left our things.

Before we left I packed us lunch and, things so we could spend the day here. It's only the first day of this long weekend. Just sandwiches and some (at this point) warm soda..

I stole his blue jacket, which he bought for me. But I ended up giving it back to him, But now it smells like him, So its mine again, funny how things work out.

We both just sit watching the waves crash on the shore.

"So what's next, Kaidan?"

"I was thinking about staying at the hotel tonight?"

"Really, Kaidan... Let's have some fun."

"Okay," I lean back and have this huge smile plastered on my face, "So what do you have In mind?"

"I -"

"Wait, Surprise me."

"Okay, I will." He takes my hand and we just sit, enjoying the sounds of the water crashing and, the other people having a good time.

I find myself inching closer and, I don't even care anymore. Sometimes, Close isn't close enough.

"You ready to head to the hotel?"

"Yeah, plus it gives you time to surprise me."

"You're right, So let's go!"

**[Later that night...]**

**(Shepard)**

"Keep you're eyes close, And don't worry about the door. I got it." I quickly run and get the door for him. "Okay, just keep them close them a little longer." I grab both his hand guiding him to the front of my car. Well his car, "Okay, you can open them up."

"Shepard." His face instantly lights up and I watch him bite his lip a little. "John, You didn't have to?"

"What plan a lovely dinner, at this amazing park. That happens to have a nice view of the ocean. With the headlights and the moon lighting up the night. Nah, I think I kinda had to." I grab his hand "Come on lets sit down."

**[After Dinner]**

I run my fingers though his hair. He's laying and I'm just sitting up, taking in this moment.

"What's on your mind" He looks up at me, those soulful brown eyes. I don't think I'll ever get tired of them.

"You."

"Really?"

"Kaidan, its rare that you're not on mind. That's why I did this tonight, I guess I just wanted to show you, Instead of just saying. How much I really appreciate you." I take a pause to get my thoughts together. "I hate sounding cheesy, but damn Kaidan. What I feel for you.. it just makes me feel complete. You give me this high, and I never want to come down." I feel his hand rub against my cheek.

"Don't worry, You never have to..." He sits up and pushes me down. I sits on top of my crouch and starts grinding, rubbing his hand on my chest.

"Kaidan, what are you doing?"

"Showing you I appreciate you too." He smiles and throws his head back. He starts to moan, and I guess he can feel me growing down there.

"You know you're beautiful."

"Am I really?"

"Yeah you're pretty fucking hot."

"Let me show you how hot I can be." He smiles, "Go get on the hood of the car." He gets up and just watches me almost run to the hood. I quickly sit down and just watch him stand there. He slowly starts to move his hip.

"So you dancing for me now?"

"Maybe, I feel like dancing now. Maybe this is for you? Or this is for me? We'll see later."

I just watch him slowly swaying his hips to the soft music I started playing. This continues until the song ends, I just watch him. The look in his eyes, Oh Kaidan.

He walks up to me and kisses my neck, rubbing both of his hands down my back. Grabbing my ass as I do the same. He's moaning right in to my ear. "Let Me," I just "Let me, just show." I'm hanging off his every word. "Let Me show you how much, I really love you."

He rubs his hands on my thighs. I find myself struggling with keeping my hands to myself. He unbuttoned my pants and slowly pulls down the zipper. Grabs the waist band and pulls me closer to the edge so he can get on his knees, I'm standing now. I don't even care, he slowly peels the underwear down.

I feel his breath around the tip. Then he go's all in, I feel the back on his throat. He slowly starts to pull back, bobbing his head back and forth. It didn't take much for me to get there, Kaidan's always been really good with his mouth.

He gets some napkins to help me clean up, Then we both get on the hood of the car. I pull him in and we just lay there under the stars.

Knowing that even though the future is, Uncertain. At least, We have each other...

* * *

_So.. I said Jacks chapter was coming up next. But honestly writing this was a lot of fun! I mean looking back at it, I left jacks story done. Or at least enough to move on to someone new. Last chapter someone asked for a kinda flash back, where i would kinda talk about Kaidan's and Liara fight. That will be done, I already have the ending in mind. Something really cute. but till then, I'll keep working on the next ones coming up. I hoped you enjoyed, Please feel free to let me know what you think!_


	10. Announcement

So, I know its been sometime. Maybe its bad that we're doing this again. But I still have a few things to say.. Okay enough of my poor humor.

As most of you thought, Across the Stars is dead. Which is true, I was never able to get inspired again. I hated what I was writing, what I wanted to write. So a lot of things ruined me continuing. So now you're wondering, "Why are you telling us this?", "Why are you beating a dead horse. That no one might even care about.." Well, because I care. I wanted to finish the story, and I'm going to. Just in a different was then expected. I'm doing a story set far in the future.

Six years in fact. After high school, college, and some other things... I'm going to focus on Kaidan growing up along with his friends. How there living now, what they gone thought the time being. Relationships, Friendships, Make up and fights, Abuse (Mental and physical), Drug use, The stress of growing older and living like an adult.. A lot of dark topics, A lot of feels too. With a happy ending, Because this me.

So far last night I planned out how things are looking in there respective lives. So far the people who will be talked about in this story. Kaidan, Shepard, James, Cortez, Jack, Miranda, Liara, garrus, and Tali. So far this is how I have in mind. Everyone else is a minor character. But I would love to hear what people to see. If anyone still cares. But so far, this is how its looking. Its going to be over a 10,000 word story. I'm ending on a high note! This story will also be written in 3rd person. Because I'm in love with 3rd person right now. So there is that.

Like I said, anything you want to see. Let me know! Another thing worth saying, it will be up in a week, or a little less. Or more, but a week gives me enough time to write this and everything else I'm working on!

If you're still here and want to know whats going on & how it ends. Thanks. I should also say, this will be done as another story. So think Across the Stars: Series Three. But with another name!

See you then!

Also if you don't hate me, Feel free to check me out on Tumblr. .com


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